Most people never really thought deeply about the essence of their emotional life at all. They’ve got no idea what they believe about emotions. What they actually are? Where they come from? And why they may be so important in our lives? Who has done more thinking and a lot of study on this subject over the years?
I think this specific article may shed some light on your emotional life goals and how you can use them to improve your happiness in life. Have you ever been in one of those situations for something that just didn’t feel quite right, and you’re not sure exactly what it is? You can’t back it up with logic, you can’t define it intellectually. Call it an “intuition”, “a hunch”, a gut feeling you just know that something’s wrong.
We’ve all had that experience, we pick up some kind of negative data; it got past our conscious mind, but our emotions caught it. If you’re like me and you learn to pay attention to feelings like that because many times those good feelings turn out to be right. What is that all about?
What are emotions, anyway?
Today we know that the entire body possesses intelligence. The entire body is the brain for emotions, and emotional wisdom is innate intelligence. They signal from deep within us and come up in response to some aspect of reality. Emotions are there to tell us something.
Emotions are usually a call to action.
That uneasy feeling you got in your gut, that your body wisdom telling you to use caution and be careful. Beyond your guard, fear can tell us to run, anger usually tells us their boundaries of unviolated.
Some great emotional feelings like love, happiness, joy are signals that tell us they were doing something right, making excellent choices, pleasurable emotions built into the fabric of our beings.
That shock and eagerness right in the middle of the ear to the chest when you’re walking through the woods and you see a rustling in the grass just ahead. If that were a poisonous snake, your emotions act, not your thinking brain, would save you. If you had intellectually analyzed what was going on and try to make a logical decision about what might be in the grass.
What’s appropriate to do next should be done instead of thinking about what happens to you? You would jump back instinctively. You would jump back before your bank and even register a thought. We have an amazing gift called survival value emotions, which are faster than intellectual, and they’re deeper.
Our emotions are not always right. We’ve all had emotional reactions that we regretted later on. We’ve all gotten angry or jealous over something completely stupid. You don’t want to go blindly charging off toward every minor aspect of your emotional life.
How to control negative thoughts and emotions
If you fall in love with someone who’s at 6 divorces and then arrested multiple times for abuse, you better do something more than just listen to your emotions, you’ve got to use your head to and sometimes your hearts to have a difference of opinion on an issue. If that happens you can be sure of one thing: something’s wrong. There’s an error somewhere, there’s a conflict, a contradiction sometimes with the head, sometimes with the heart, and sometimes with both. We need to bring consciousness to the situation and figure it out.
Emotions can be your best friend or your worst enemy. If you have a healthy relationship with your emotions if you had to acknowledge, accept and honor them if you treat them as tools of awareness, you’ll have a built-in barometer to help you decide.
For example, if you paid attention to that gut feeling you had may have just saved you from doing something stupid. High emotional intelligence allows you to be very resourceful, solid ground. The willingness to experience your feelings has direct healing power. It clears the way for you to understand and deal with just about any issue, any wound, any hurt in your life.
If you listen to what your emotions are trying to tell you, you can become intimately connected with the deepest part of yourself. On the other hand, if we don’t honor our emotions when we fight or push down or try to block a feeling, it intends to grow stronger because that feeling is there and tells us something and is usually won’t go away until we get the message. The farther you would push it down, the stronger it needs to become to be heard. But when we allow ourselves to acknowledge it, to experience it, to listen to what it is trying to tell us, the feeling eventually melts.
We can create consciously this emotional state. For instance, if I want to experience an emotional state like peacefulness, tranquillity, serenity, I can create that state by doing certain things.
There’s a recipe for that.
Just thinking about those things relaxes me, puts me in a peaceful, emotional state. There is a recipe for every emotional state, there’s a recipe for happiness and there’s a recipe for jealousy, there’s a recipe for joy and passion, there’s a recipe for anger.
These emotional states are generated if you do certain things and this is hugely powerful to understand because once you know emotional states could be created, you can consciously choose which state you want to experience daily and which ones you’re unwilling to allow in your life
- Count 1 to 100 when you are angry. Let your partner or boss complete their statement.
- Box on to a punching bag to relieve that anger rather than holding to it. When I was a teenager, I had a punching bag at home to show my anger. (not joking)
- Work hard and play harder (60% work and 40% entertainment per week is the recommended value to enhance productivity) to balance your emotional life.
- Walkthrough a beautiful garden.
- Listen to soft relaxing music.
- The sight and sound of water gently flowing.
- Surround yourself with living things like plants and flowers.
- Quieting your mind.
- Spend time in nature surrounding yourself with warmth and loved people.
That’s called Emotional Control. I am not suggesting that we could feel great every second of life. People let you down. The friction that happens in our lives can be stressful, and sometimes in life, we could encounter a negative emotion that is so powerful and may temporarily override everything else.
These emotions can be impossible to change, at least for a while. Losing a child or a divorce or a physical accident, for instance, can be so traumatic that you could see how difficult it would be to create more positive emotions.
In the absence of serious trauma, you can exercise a tremendous amount of control over the emotional life aspect you experience daily. You can think about and do the things that make you happy and you’ll be happier. You can think about the things that relax you and you’ll be more relaxed. You can learn to manage your emotions in your everyday life. The ability to tap into your body, the wisdom to learn from your emotions, and letting them guide you is huge.
The ability to identify what emotional state you want to experience and to create those states is also huge. Developing these skills simultaneously can change everything in your life. We launch powerful emotions every day: some are positive, some are negative, and some are in between.
So really understanding our emotions is vital to living an extraordinary life. We learned a tremendous amount of information from our emotional life and we can use them to help us navigate our days more successfully tomorrow. A little deeper dive into this fascinating category could explore what makes us tick, what makes us happy, and what makes us unhappy. I think you’re going to find this exploration very interesting and precious.
Few emotional life poems and quotes that touched my heart:
Even though things don’t happen as per our wishes, the things that happen now aren’t what I imagined in my dream.
Check out wonderful emotional life poems here.
We are going to end with a powerful exercise that’s really going to help you move the needle into your emotional life. I can tell you from my personal experience that this exercise is a game-changer and has totally helped me in improving my life in this category. I think pretty much everybody understands that healthy emotional life is indispensable for living a happy, successful life, and certainly if your goal is to create an extraordinary life for yourself, your emotional state is hugely important.
But — I think it could actually be more important than most of us realize because in at least one aspect we could say that-
In this article, you’re going to discover whether you have a happy, fulfilling life. Why we work so hard to develop ourselves? To stay happy is the answer. But I suggest you work so hard on yourself every day so you can have a happier, more successful, and more fulfilling life.
I was in Thailand for the last winter with my family and I came across this wall in a bathroom with graffiti and it was one of the most profound things I’ve ever read. Here’s what it said:
“When I was little, my mom always told me that happiness was the most important thing in life. When I got older and went to school, my teacher asked me what I want to be when I grow up and I said, ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life.”
Ask yourself why you want anything in life enough times. You’re going to come up with one conclusive answer “because I want to be happy”. Doesn’t matter what it is—whether you want to make a lot of money or you want to have a great body or a beautiful love relationship or you want to make a big difference in the world, all those wonderful things are just means to an end and the end is your happiness and your fulfillment.
And that’s our singular focus on the extraordinary life asset. Everything that we do, all the goal-setting that we do. The challenges, the exercises, the measuring and reporting, the inspiration, the motivation, everything we do helps you move closer to a happier, more fulfilling, more successful life.
If we could accomplish that, we’ve done something amazing in the world and we’ve accomplished our purpose in creating painfreeproductivity.com. One of the most important things that you can do is pay attention to what makes you happy versus what makes you unhappy to respond appropriately and move your life toward happiness and away from unhappiness.
Your ability to do that is going to have a significant impact on life experience because just like any other big value in life,
Happiness requires continuous actions to create it and maintain it.
How to stay happy and positive?
It is up to you to realize what makes you happy. Realize the situations or events or people or places or things that evoke happiness inside of you and once you get clear on what actually makes you happy and enhances your positivity, do more of those things.
- If you know that an overnight date with your spouse makes you happy, you can increase the frequency of your overnight dates from once a year to once a month to maybe once a week and that may turn up to have a happier marriage and a happier life as a result.
- Maybe gardening makes you happy. Create more gardens and plant trees. Get conscious of its magical feel and automatically you will become a happier person.
- Call your grandma. Do you feel happy every time you hear her voice?
- Take a long walk by yourself in the middle of the day.
- Practice meditation
- Spend time in prayers.
Whatever it is for you, do more of those things more often and you will increase your happiness.
Note: Avoid the activities that make you happy but hurt your society directly and indirectly.
So the point here is to get conscious of the things that make your heart swell with love. Learn to simply pay attention to what makes you smile, what puts a little spring in your step. Identify those things, value those things, and plan than into your schedules. It is a simple but very profound concept that most people don’t understand. If you want to experience more happiness in your life, just simply do more of the things that make you happy.
How to identify what is making me unhappy?
Likewise, how you found your ways to stay happy, it is more important to identify the things in life that make you unhappy. Do your best to eliminate those things because I believed we should stay happy the vast majority of the time in our lives. It is so hard to attain a perfect emotional life. Yes, we know there’s going to be pain and suffering in life. We know you are going to encounter frustration and disappointment and unhappiness but for us, all that negative stuff is the exception and is not the rule.
Pain, unhappiness, and frustration will come and go in life, but those things should be episodic and not perpetual. Being perpetually unhappy over anything or disappointed, depressed, resentful has absolutely no place in the emotional life of a conscious person. If we are experiencing pockets of recurring pain in our lives — which most of us do experience and is probably because we’re not paying attention.
Why Is Life Sad?
We need to look for those pockets of ongoing recurrent pain or frustration in our lives and rule them out and make it our mission to eliminate them because recurring unhappiness simply shouldn’t be tolerated. I have found that most people just don’t pay attention and they continue to run the same sort of negative patterns of negative emotions over and over and eventually they habituated the pain and the negativity till they barely notice anymore.
An entire adult lifetime of looking in the mirror and feeling pain or frustration because you’re out of shape or overweight or because you’re sad, love with health and fitness and that’s experienced so many people have but here’s the thing. We don’t have to live with perpetual sadness — we don’t have to live with it. It is far better to get conscious of our unhappiness, pay attention, identify perpetual pain, and simply resolve the root cause.
- Even if you don’t like to stay on a diet, exercise, isn’t it better to pay that relatively small price than to go through the entire lifetime of being sad and feeling low self-esteem every time you look in the mirror?
2. If you’re an overwhelmed entrepreneur, strung out, overworked, not enjoying your life, not enjoying your family, think about that. Is that your story? — Or if you have a relationship with a friend or family member, that’s just a constant source of stress, emotional duress.
3. If your financial life has got you perpetually stressed, keeping you up at night because you’re all stressed out about it. The first thing you have to do is to notice, be conscious. You need to wake up and sit down. Just think through what needs to be done to eliminate this perpetual pain.
What’s The Rational Intelligent Solution To Your Problems In Emotional Life?
You might figure out a way to remove yourself from the situation, figure out a way to change the situation, you might figure out a different way to process internally so you can change the meaning of the situation.
From personal experience, it can be easier than you think. Unconsciousness keeps us stuck and unconsciousness keeps you experiencing the same pain over and over. And consciousness is the cure.
I was working on this exercise in my own life a couple of years ago, really going deep searching inside my emotional life for areas of recurring happiness and I came across a really important relationship that I had with a family member.
I had a minor frustration with him for a long time and had gone on so long that I got used to it I had unconsciously habituated to feeling negative, sad, and angry about this relationship consistently. I am talking about it for years and that’s just no good and once I got conscious of it; I resolved to take action.
I simply picked up the phone, and I reached out to this family member of mine in the most compassionate, understanding way I could, and it was amazing. It met me with nothing but love. Totally open arms. It turned out he was feeling exactly the same way that I was feeling.
He wanted to fix our situation as much as I want to fix it, and we started consciously and lovingly working on our relationship. Within a month, this went from probably the biggest area of anxiety in my life to one of the greatest sources of joy.
I am not suggesting that you can eliminate every area of perpetual pain in life with a phone call. That is not realistic, there are going to be situations that are more difficult and complicated, no doubt. No matter what kind of recurring unhappiness were dealing with, the first step is to allow yourself to become aware, become conscious of it, and then resolved to do something about it.
A big step in the right direction is incredibly important in every category of our life.
Best Exercise To Improve Emotional Life:
- Make a list of the things that make you truly happy, fulfilled, and committed. Do more of those things. I’m not talking about lip service here. I am talking about scheduling them into Get serious, make a commitment to your own happiness, make a commitment to infuse your life with happiness as you can and have fun doing it. It is a deeply joyous feeling to get in touch with the things that make you happy and to do more of those things so make your list of happy stuff.
- Make another list of some things that make you unhappy consistently. Be brave if you want to do this right. You need to go deep and once you made that list, sit down and look at unnecessary things that you can eliminate.
Because perpetual unhappiness is just not acceptable to me. It’s not acceptable to a conscious person who’s committed to living an extraordinary life willing to take control of the emotions.
Conclusion of Emotional Life
So make these Two simple lists and take action on them. I predict this is going to have a profound effect on you. These little exercises are small but are incredibly powerful. I hope you’re already aware of the cumulative effect which is invaluable. It is like the finite element analysis method used by engineers to split a product into millions of small pieces and analyzing them to understand stress-strain behavior.
If you look at the end of a task, it will be so difficult, but take one step at a time consistently and keep up the outstanding work and next, I will share powerful features to improve your character. What kind of person do you really want to become and how do you get there?