There are 6 unique habits of successful people who crave to create and maintain an extraordinary love relationship. There is no deeper joy when two people fully committed to living their lives together and doing it successfully. They may become the most inspirational couple for their society.
What an extraordinary love relationship actually is?
My personal mentor, Dr. Joseph Arthur, who had an immense impact on my love relationship, defines the extraordinary romantic love as:
That’s a great baseline definition for a romantic love relationship. As we think about what an extraordinary romantic love relationship looks like — we need to take just a few steps further to explore the real habits of successful people for you to follow.
Couples with an extraordinary love relationship adore each other.
They don’t just adore each other passively; they show their adoration. They can’t help adoring because it just comes radiating off of them. The way they look at each other, the way they talk to each other, and the way they talk about each other, and how they’re affectionate with each other.
Couples with extraordinary love relationships also trust each other. They are there for each other. No matter what goes before them, they know that they’re always on the same team. Couples with extraordinary love relationships are highly connected, both personally and professionally. That doesn’t mean they have to be business partners — they may have two separate careers, but they do not have two separate lives.
They know what’s going on in each other’s lives at a deep level. Couples with an extraordinary love relationship communicate honestly, easily, and openly. Effective communication, which comes first in the habits of successful people, is literally the hallmark that separates healthy relationships from unhealthy relationships.
Finally, couples with an extraordinary love relationship put each other first. No matter whatever relationship anxiety they face, they tend to value each other above everything else. They’re the single most important thing in each other’s lives.
So the extraordinary love relationship as we define it in ‘Extraordinary Life Asset’ is a sexual, emotional, devoted, godliness, attachment between a couple who adore each other, who trust each other, who communicate effectively, and values each other above all else.
Now it is extremely rare that you’re going to see an extraordinary love relationship like that. I’ve only ever seen three love relationships that fit my ‘habits of successful people’ definition, and I believe it is absolutely possible to replicate them.
It’s a very rare thing, but it is possible. There’s a recipe for doing it, and today we’re going to explore what that recipe is and examine how to create the one for you.
Specifically, while working on identifying some strategies to improve productivity in life, I came across an age-old principle.
Many of the greats of philosophy, the greats of religion and human potential have taught it. We call it “The 6 Commandments of Habitual Behaviour”.
The rule of habitual behavior says, “Your habits shape your life and define your success as a human being”. The dictionary defines the word “habit” as an automatic pattern of behavior that is gained through frequent repetition.
Look at the areas of your life that you’re doing really well. You’re going to discover that is because of your ‘good habits‘. And likewise, on the other side of that coin, if you look at the areas of your life where you do poorly, you’re failing or under-delivering, it’s likely going to be because of some ‘bad habits’ and nowhere does these ‘habits of successful people’ principle apply more directly and more obviously than your love relationship. The quality of your love relationship comes down to the quality of your love relationship habits, for better or for worse.
Here is the most common sad story that we’ve encountered over the years. Couples who were married for a long time say we were happy together. It was magical. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We spent as much time together as we could. We stayed up all night long and talked for hours.
We’re never tired of it, we’re never tired of each other. We laughed, we had fun together; we did special little things for each other all the time. The sex was exceptional — we were head-over-heels in love, totally passionate about each other. Then the kids came…
Have to handle our careers and now we just don’t have as much time to spend again. That’s normal, right… We used to put each other first in everything — Our kids, the jobs, our friends, temples and churches, sports, those special little things we’ve to do for each other to spice things up kind of faded. For instance, we used to care about how we looked, but now we don’t pay too much attention to that. Honestly, we spend more time making ourselves look ready to work than to help each other.
We used to be openly, publicly, affectionate to each other — couldn’t help it, could get hands off of each other but now, the electricity that was in the air during those early years is gone. Our sex life is ok, but not even close to what it used to be.
Honestly, we still love each other but we are so busy that we hardly get to spend any time alone together, any intimate deep time with each other. It is the workload that makes us exhausted for the rest of the day.
That’s normal, right? Yes, totally. It is probably the most common story, and it results from the mediocre habits of successful people. If you want to turn which started out as a passionate, exciting, fulfilling love relationship into a boring lukewarm average love relationship, all you gotta do is replace the conscientious romantic exciting habits you used to have with lukewarm unconscious lazy habits and you’ll have the total recipe for a mediocre love relationship.
In my point of view, that’s just unacceptable. I mean, how is it that people could unconsciously surrender the single greatest thing about living a life on Earth! Finding someone else to fall in love with and sharing your life with that person is not a simple thing to give up so fast.
Yes, mediocre relationships are normal and the most common type of love relationships we see all around us, but it certainly doesn’t have to be your story. We can keep our love relationships growing, we can keep them expanding and we can maintain every bit as hot, romantic, and passionate as they ever were.
Before we just care enough to install the right habits for you, choose a great couple relationship exercise practice every single day for the rest of this challenge.
I want to share a few superb powerful habits with you right now that you could choose from to get meaningful results in this important area of your life. Of course, you can make up your own and practice every day.
6 Habits of Successful People With Real-Life Examples
Habit 1: Communicating Effectively With Each Other
Being able to share with each other honestly, openly, and easily. The reason it captured the first spot in the habits of successful people is that communication is the bloodline of any relationship, and the love relationship particularly demands effective communication in order to forge.
Not always easy to communicate your emotions with someone you love just because of the intensity of the feelings involved.
Here’s what Dr. Joseph said when it comes to communicating effectively in a love relationship:
“Do you create a context in which your partner can feel free to share feelings, fantasies, thoughts, hurts, and complaints without the fear that you’re going to condemn, attack, lecture or simply withdraw?”
It is possibly the most important question you could ever ask if your goal is to create a healthy, happy love relationship.
The vast majority of couples can’t answer ‘yes’ to that question. There is no wonder where the difficulties in their love relationship come from — if a couple can’t communicate effectively, they are not even in the game to create an extraordinary love.
That doesn’t mean that we should expect our partner to be in total agreement or completely overjoyed with everything that we feel, say, do, or share. Life doesn’t work that way, but we should be able to express ourselves in the atmosphere of trust, respect, and acceptance, and that’s exactly how ‘effective communication’ in habits of successful people theory could change your love life. Practice it for 6 months to completely absorb this habit.
Habit 2: Demonstrating Your Love
This is the second in habits of successful people as we previously understood that ‘Love, passion, desire, and romance require action’. It is not just enough to experience these feelings internally, but they have to be consistently and habitually expressed in deeds.
Make your day productive by planning romantic dinners, send flowers for no reason, send a romantic text or sexy text to each other, be affectionate, touch each other, kiss each other, tell your lover that you “Love Her or Love Him” all the time. Express their advantage and beauty. Do special little things to light each other up and do it all the time.
Here’s a little example from my life. I take a 20 minutes power nap every afternoon after lunch. I’m blessed for years every single afternoon with a coffee — little cream and sugar designed as a love symbol. My wife’s small move every single day that takes less than 60 seconds means a big deal for me. This is more like an intimacy exercise for couples.
It means “I care about you every single day, it means I was thinking about you this afternoon, I was thinking about you every single afternoon.” I receive this gesture 365 days a year and this little thing feels awesome. Every single day you spend time with your partner is another opportunity for you to develop a habit that will express your love, to express your passion for each other, and your immense gratefulness for the beauty you’re building together.
Habit 3: Paying Attention To Your Partner
This is a common neglecting habit in today’s most love relationships. When you are working and your wife walks into the room, STOP! That is the love of your life standing right before your eyes and just ask yourself how she feels right now — Is there something she needs from you? What can you do to resolve this at this moment?
If you are dealing with the kids, helping them with their homework, or doing work in the kitchen and he walks into the room, STOP! That’s your man. Be there. Ask yourself what does he needs from me right now. Did he have a rough day at work? How can I support him? How can I lighten up the moment?
Train your mind to sync into your partner’s experience and get connected. Remember, there is nothing more important than the person who stands right in front of you.
So you can learn to tap into that deep well of love, respect, admiration you have for your partner. You can really ignite your romantic love relationship to works wonders with these habits of successful people theory.
I have a friend from school named Brad. He and his wife have a really cool little ritual they call it, ‘Welcome home habit’. This is another small but huge ritual that takes place every single time when one of them arrives home for the day. They stop everything. Doesn’t matter what’s going on — they welcome each other with hugs and kisses for the next 5 minutes nonstop.
It is full-on attention. You can save around $175 that people spend on couples counseling per hour. It is not about ‘Hey babe, how’s the day?’ but they show full undivided attention to each other 365 days a year. That is exceptional.
Habit 4: Carving Out Sacred Time To Spend Together and Never Missing It.
This is one of the most powerful love habits of successful people. You create a daily connection, ritual-like how Brad’s ‘welcome home ritual’ or my wife’s ‘coffee ritual’. I have this ritual we call ‘Our Eve Walk’.
Every single day after work, we spend at least half an hour walking around our garden, just reconnecting with each other, and keeping aside the events of the day. It has been very helpful for our entire relationship. We also have a weekly date night — in my experience, this is probably the single most important love strategy that we ever employed.
One night per week together overnight. No matter where in the world we are, we have done this for 15 years and I believe this love strategy worked very well.
Try this habit for a year and feel the power behind this strategy. I know a couple who added the date night schedule every week besides their business meeting and made sure that their day doesn’t turn into an administration, finance, or housekeeping guide.
Because your date night should be about sex, romance, and fun!
Habit 5: Handling Disagreements Intellectually
Couples with a toxic or a mediocre love relationship just don’t know how to fight well. Either they come up with a huge emotional explosion or just stay quiet.
When you encounter a disagreement — which you inevitably will. Just learn how to deal with intelligence. If you have to argue or even if you have to have to fight, learn to do it wisely.
Sounds strange, but it is the absolute truth. To do this again, you’ve got to train your mind in the right thinking. You need to remember even in between the heat of those moments — ‘this the person I love’. Even when you’re angry, remember that ‘we on the same side even when we disagree’. Forge that emotional intelligence into your life.
So try to be the solution rather than being self-indulgent by blowing up emotionally.
If you can’t bring compassion or understanding empathy at that minute, which is sometimes hard, maybe just move away from each other and give each other a brief space to cool down.
It is funny that we try to see who is going to be the first one to come to their senses and makeup from this argument. We made that a habit and that person who apologizes first is the hero. It may take a minute, sometimes it takes an hour, might even take longer than that, but to be the first to “say sorry” and to mean it is an exceptional thing. So you could make life better by taking some responsibility for your part.
Habit 6: Keeping The Love Life Interesting
Finally, in the habits of successful people routine, we usually ignore to keep things interesting in a relationship. There is an actual life that cares about you and should not allow yourselves to stagnate with the relationship anxiety. Experience the fascinating wrath of life together continuously.
For her. (win him)
Strive to do new things together so you can keep growing and learning together.
Try new restaurants, a painting class, a foreign language. Learn to make sushi or start couple exercises, take a wine tasting class together. Have in-depth conversations about the book that you guys read or a program that you listen to, take some trips together, bring adventures into your love life.
Travelling has been a big part of my relationship. We have visited 43 countries and have had amazing, unforgettable, totally outrageous experiences together that also helped our romance to level up the successive years.
Bring few sensualities into a relationship, consciously keeping high. Habits of successful people include bringing some consciousness: plan out your date night, light some candles, put on some awesome music, use the aroma of scented oils and perfumes. Learn the sensual massage, dress up for each other.
Most people stop caring about their looks after they’ve been married for a few years. They just don’t see any reason to take action for each other. They don’t want to waste any energy and then they wonder why their partners aren’t turned on anymore. DON’T DO THAT! You want to keep things fresh, refuse to surrender to a stale existence like so many of the couples that you see around.
Refuse to be boring. Be an exciting, passionate person. Bring all of that energy to your love relationship. So those are just few great habits and practices you could employ in your love life and your exercise for the day is to pick one or to make up your own and practice it for the rest of the year.
Winding up the Habits of Successful People Theory
What is that one habit that, if you include in your love relationship that you wish to do differently, has the power to really begin the transformation of your love relationship? Is there a nourishing positive habit that you could start implementing today? Is there a draining negative habit that you’re neglecting over and over?
Choose at least one great habit and synchronize it into your relationship, or choose a negative habit you want to get rid of and eliminate it.
An extraordinary love is so rare. Rarely seen, doesn’t come easy, doesn’t come free. It requires diligent action and a high level of combined consciousness from both of you.
NOTE: Habits become great when automatic patterns of behavior had been acquired through frequent repetition.
No matter where you are in this wonderful, incredibly important area of your life, you really have the potential to create an extraordinary level of relationship if you simply do the things habitually that an extraordinary love relationship craves.
Next, we will explore eye-opening experiences that are simultaneously crazy and fun, difficult and demanding, but also joyful and truly one of the most important categories of life. Even if you don’t have kids, this is going to be a very important category for you to discover because parenting is just an indispensable part of the human experience. It deserves a deep, hard understanding, patience, and willpower from all of us.