Relationships are about people relating to each other, enjoying each other, and trying to meet each other’s needs to a certain level. But romantic love relationships need certain tweaks to sustain that spark forever.
So far in the ‘Extraordinary Life Asset’ Series, we’ve covered 5 categories that make up your personal life. Health and fitness, your intellectual life, emotional life, character, and spiritual life. Those 5 categories represent you as separate from the rest of the world. Today I’m switching gears and start the exploration of your relationship, which involves two or more lives.
How Good and Bad Relationships Affect You?
More than any other factor, your relationships will determine your happiness. They go deep inside your heart as long as you live. If you have a fantastic relationship with your partner, children, friends, and family, that’s where you’re going to get the most enjoyment out of life, like the best memories on the planet, best workplace productivity, and fulfillment.
If you have poor relationships, unfortunately, that’s where you can experience the most pain, the most negativity, the most stress, anger, and resentment- pretty much all the feelings you don’t want to afford.
Every good healthy relationship should build something positive for both people loved — maybe a descent smile or encouragement or compliment from a stranger on the street all the way to the deepest most profound emotions imagine in your love relationship but the bottom line is relationships are about meeting each other’s needs at some level.
What are the Main Types of Relationships?
There are 3 different types of relationships in life that directly affect our foundation.
- Your romantic love relationship
- Relationship with your children and
- Your social life, which is your relationship with your friends and extended family.
These relationships are all different and, as you’ll see, they require different approaches, different behaviors, and different levels of consciousness. We’re going to start by looking at romantic love — the relationship with your spouse or life partner.
This is the most sensational of all the categories. Emotionally deep personal stuff can be exciting and scary at the same time.
What Does Romantic Love require From All of Us?
We should really open ourselves up and get in touch with our deepest feelings and bring them to the surface, even though that might not be the most comfortable thing to do. This category is so important, and I truly believe that most people have the potential to have a really great love relationship if they’re simply willing to do what it takes.
Especially people like you because you’re the kind of person who is already concerned with improving your life in romantic love relationships. You obviously have the courage to look deeply at yourself or you wouldn’t even be following this series.
To me, that means that you have the potential for a great love relationship because it all starts with you. Personal life is the foundation of a great romantic love relationship, and it’s half the battle. So you just really need to open up on this all the way up by putting your guard down and give yourself permission to go all the way in this incredibly important area of your lives.
Give this category the attention it deserves. I’d like to share some of my fundamental years about relationship problems and the solution takeaways.
What Are Some Beliefs That Cause Relationship Problems?
People have some bizarre insane beliefs about romantic love relationships. For example,
- Women can’t be trusted. No matter how great they seem at first, eventually, they turn on you — All 2.5 billion of them.
- Women care only about money.
- Men always lie.
- Men always try to cheat.
- Men always flee.
- All men care about is just sex.
- I’ll never find the perfect one for me.
Guess what: If you have any of these beliefs or a single belief that even remotely resembles any of these, it’s game over. This is when a relationship ends. Just pack your bags and go home. You will never have a healthy relationship.
You’re expecting things to wear out, you’re expecting things to go wrong, you’re expecting rejection, you’re expecting it to break, and believe me — you are going to be right. There are 7 billion people out there. There are more than a million people of the opposite sex in America who are exactly your age.
How Do You Nurture A Good Relationship?
- Believe there is someone perfect out there.
- Believe this person wants me. This person is waiting for me.
- Believe this person is looking for me. I just have to find him/her.
- I have a relationship right now that has the potential to be absolutely extraordinary if I commit to step up and make it happen.
I’ve probably spent more time in this category than any other because my relationship with my wife is the single most important thing in my life.
We’ve spent time a lot of time improving our romantic love relationship. Literally hundreds of hours over the years. In our Extraordinary Life Asset, defining an ideal vision for our marriage, defining our beliefs, setting our goals, really diving deep in this area yielded an amazing result.
She and I have a magnificent love affair and an intense, passionate, and romantic extraordinary relationship. People sometimes ask us how we can maintain the bond, the passion, the adoration we have for each other over a period of almost two decades.
The answer is simple: We have this relationship because early on we discussed about it. We communicated exactly what kind of relationship we wanted to build together. We made a conscious decision to create a wonderful love affair that would last the rest of our lives.
Say those words and write that down about what it would require to build that kind of relationship goals.
We defined exactly what that relationship would look like in every single area: physical, spiritual, emotional, sexual, and intellectual. We agreed on the values and the attribution we wanted to build in our romantic love affair, and most importantly, we define the personality traits that we have to cultivate in ourselves in order to create and maintain a relationship like that.
How to Fix Communication In A Relationship?
Because of our strong relationship and communication, we defined 3 beliefs that make up our promise. We built our vision for our relationship on these 3 beliefs.
Your relationship is the foundation of your life. We built everything we have in a relationship. It is the foundation of your home, your family, career, financial life, and emotional life. It affects your overall productivity.
If your relationship is solid, healthy, and working well, we can handle anything that comes along. Anything life throws at us — we’re sturdy people, separate, but together we’re unshakeable. Your relationship holds everything together like a spider web.
We believe ‘Extraordinary relationships need Extraordinary people’. Too many people complain about the fact that they can’t find the perfect partner, but they’ve given very little thought to the challenge of making themselves the perfect partner.
If you looking for Mr. Perfect, ask yourself, am I, Mrs. Perfect? If you’re looking for the right woman, ask yourself, am I the right man? We need to turn ourselves into what we’re wishing to find, and this is one of the biggest challenges with romantic love.
You can’t make a good pizza without good ingredients. You can’t make an authentic wine without first class grapes. You can’t have a great sports team without talented athletes, and you can’t have a splendid relationship if you are a broken, miserable, dysfunctional person.
Be a good person to have a long-lasting relationship.
Ask yourself: How can I change my character to get the relationship I wanted? What am I going to express? What should I bring to her? What should I bring to him? What am I going to introduce in our new life?
The most important thing you can do to have a great relationship is to be the best person you can be. To stay healthy and strong, live intelligently, create quality emotions, and develop a moral character is more than half the battle. Extraordinary relationships do require extraordinary people.
She and I believe ‘Love requires Action’. There’s a reason ‘why’ some couples can sustain an active love affair over a period of decades, but for others, the spark goes out very quickly. Understanding ‘how to love’ solves them all.
My wife and I learned a long time ago that genuine love (a wonderful course) is much more than just experiencing emotions for a while. We have to cultivate the ability to love as an action.
As an action, love entails deep caring for the one you love. Genuine concern, empathy, compassion for your love, kindness, reliability, being the person your lover can count on, and dedication. The ability to make your romantic love visible. These are actions, and love does require actions.
Most people want to be on the ‘receiving end’ for these things, but the extraordinary person is especially good at the ‘giving end’.
The question here is: What am I willing to do? We made a conscious decision to master these skills to show each other how much we love. It’s so easy to do. A sexy brief email or a little special surprise could make your entire day. Love is dramatic.
So those are my beliefs about what comprises an extraordinary level relationship, but we know, every love relationship is unique because every person is unique. We’ve defined what extraordinary life means to us. Now, you’ve got to do the same thing for yourself.
A good place to start is by looking at the beliefs that are controlling relationships. Do you have some beliefs to go? Take a deep look here. Be honest, though.
If you can pull up some negative defeating meanings about your romantic love relationships, get rid of them. You don’t need it. Rule out the bad beliefs and tell yourself right now, “This is an idiotic rule”. Once it is out of your mind, you need to replace it with something that serves you and your life better.
Last Words To Engrave
What do you think ‘a splendid romantic love relationship’ is all about? Do you see this becoming foundational to the rest of your life or for you it is just normal? Do you believe that a great relationship requires prominent people? You have to really work on yourself first before attaining a successful relationship.
My wife and I have a top level of dependence on each other in our relationship. That’s our love style, but maybe you don’t believe it- that’s how a great romantic love relationship stays interesting. Maybe you think that a great relationship requires “independence” to healthy, functional, autonomous individuals who enjoy each other on life’s path.
That’s nice. If that’s your idea and works for you, it’s fantastic. This isn’t about my personal stuff, this is about your personal stuff. The only reason I’m sharing our relationship with you is to get a killer kickstart. In general, there is no right or wrong answer here, but there is certainly a right or wrong for you.
What do you think defines a romantic love relationship? Give this question a little thought and write it down in the comments and in your “Extraordinary Life Asset” journal as well. Next, I’ll share few habitual practices for maintaining a decent relationship.